Fruit Tree Status Report: Blueberry & Coconut Popsicles

 -Best way to fight a miserably hot day.-

The Apricot, aka: Bernadette
She's in the ground with minimal fuss. Bold, beautiful, and ready to shower me with apricots next year.

The Bing Cherry
There was a girl I went to high school with named Michelle. She was the friend in our group we all hated but still hung out with all the time for some mysterious reason. Probably because we all started school together and the nigh-incestuous dating circles within the group solidified her position for ineffable reasons that could't be talked about out loud. Yet, we still had a soft spot for the noisy bitch.

We all had that friend: begrudgingly put up with, despised by all, and yet still sort of loved for their own unique reasons. ("Outspoken in a way most people aren't!" "Willing to say what she thinks." Read: Shut the fuck up already.)

The cherry tree is that. Persnickety, mercurial, prone to blight and pests, the slightest rain with knock off every blossom before it can develop fruit. Yet when it does have a good year the cherries are the best I've ever had and I remember why I appreciate it so much.

The Kumquat
Oh god. It's flowering again. In the middle of June. That's the fifth flowering in the last twelve months. How is that possible? I haven't even used up the kumquats from the second flowering, let alone the third and fourth. I can only make so much marmalade. Make it stop…

The Washington Orange
I love you. You make winters with living with naturally chilled oranges plucked off the tree in a brisk December morning for tall glasses of only the most ephemeral orange juice ever. Golden nectar, it is.

The Bay
More feral than The Wolverine and at three stories tall it's the only tree I actually have a fear of. If it were ambulatory and angry I would already be dead.

The 3-in-1 Apple
Golden Delicious. Granny Smith. Fuji. Can't wait!

After an educational outbreak of fireblight solved with Lysol, clippers, and copper spray I think I finally have a handle on you. I wonder if this is what it's like to not vaccinate your kid and then find him hospitalized with measles with only myself to blame for not educating myself properly.

The Kiwi, aka: God-Zirra!, The Beast, and Zombie Plant
Not a tree but it's as big as one. I have measured it and it is literally growing inches every single day. It feels like a zombie in The Walking Dead, only dangerous the second you take your eyes off of it. I will let a week go by and then - BAM - it's taken over the entire house and eaten its brains. In the future I imagine I will have to hack at it on a weekly basis to keep it properly trained.

The Blood Orange
Three years in full sun and not even a blossom yet? Da' fuck?

The Meyer Lemon
The first year we had this tree it was in a pot and it put out dozens of lemons that were all killed in a freeze. The next year we put it in the ground and protected it diligently from frost. The result? Not a single lemon. I am dumbfounded.

The Bearass Lime
It's in the neglected corner of the yard because it's the weed of fruit trees and can survive more abuse than most trees.

The Santa Rosa Plum and The Dapple Dandy Pluot
Aside from growing and staving off earwigs there is nothing to report. No fruit expected until year three at least. Boo.

The Asian (Hosui) Pear
It just went into the ground about an hour ago. I got it well aged and for $15 when it should have been about $80 at least. The reason for the deal it because it had been in its baby pot for years and was seriously root bound. The roots were woven tighter than a Persian rug. Here's hoping.

First world problems, I know. Still, considering only three of these fruit trees (and the bay) produce anything and it'll be a three year wait for the bulk of them I need to air out my frustrations. Yet they still need near daily care against heat, rain, bugs, and so on.

We also put in a few blueberry plants that bursted with fruit this year. Most of the time I just sit next to the plants and shove them straight into my mouth, but occasionally self control reigns me in and I actually do something a bit more fun with them. We've been suffering some triple digit heat here in Northern California and aside from iced tea and cocktails, popsicles are my regular go to as they require so little work for such pop-tacular results.

These pops are simple yogurt, coconut milk, and some pureed blueberries - light and easy.

Blueberry-Coconut Popsicles
Makes about 8 3-ounce popsicles

10 ounces blueberries
3/4 cup yogurt
3/4 cup coconut milk
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Puree the blueberries in a food processor until smooth. Push through a wire sieve to get a smooth liquid.

2. Whisk together the blueberry puree with all the rest of the ingredients. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze.