Card Not Needed: Chia Lemon-Thyme Cocktail

-The oddest cocktail ever.-

Ask me. Ask me, you cock-holstering bitch. Don't you dare not. I swear to God if you don't I will kidnap you, smuggle you into a Slovakian whore house for leprosy patients, and tape dollar bills to the inside of your colon. ASK ME!

"That will be $21.20. Will that be all for you today?" the teen behind the register asked.

"Sure. Fine." I handed him my debit card trying to hide my boundless anger and disappointment. 

Fuck you, you son of a bitch.

"Thank you for shopping at Total Wine."

You won't be twenty-two forever! Someday you'll grow old, too! En-fucking-joy it! *internal and incoherent rage ensues*

This was the sixth time in two months I wasn't asked for photo identification when buying alcohol. I'm only two months short of thirty! I eat well! I work out! I look young for my age! 

Or... apparently not.

God. Damn. It.

-I assume once I finish buying a house I will age 25 more years. Senior discount time for me.-

That's it. That's my story this week. Apparently I'm too old to remember anything else. 

Here's a chia drink with a thyme-lemon simple syrup and vodka. I've had, like, six of them now. I am shocked I that I can type coherently.

Chia seeds are a nifty, hydrophilic grain high in protein and fiber. When wet it gels and can be used as an egg replacement, as a post-workout drink, to make fridge jam and puddings, or to add texture to whatever cocktail it is you are just absolutely wrecking yourself with. These seeds came to me from the sweet people at Bob's Red Mill, who I am plotting some rather serendipitous things with. This flavorful Spring cocktail being a byproduct of said (tasty) plotting. 

Also: Vodka! 

As for the carding issue? Well, it's a good thing I'm an native Orange County boy. When I hit fifty and get plastic for all this *waves finger around face* people will just wonder why I waited so long.

Special Note: Brian and I now have a set date to close escrow. This home, assuming all goes well, will be a huge fixer-upper. In fact, the kitchen is getting gutted completely. Between that, my day job, the book, and taking on some other projects Vanilla Garlic will temporarily be on a random updating schedule of probably one or two posts a month. I expect that regular Tuesday updates will resume in July. Until then, I will update when I can. Thank you for understanding.

Garrett out.

Chia Lemon-Thyme Cocktail

1 tablespoon chia seeds
1/2 cup water
juice and zest of 1 lemon
2 sprigs thyme, bruised
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
Soda water
Vodka

1. Place the chia seeds and water in a bowl and let sit over night so the seeds can gel.

2. Place sugar, 1 cup of water, lemon juice, lemon zest, and thyme sprigs in a pan and heat until sugar dissolves into a syrup. Strain.

3. Place a few spoonfuls of the chia seeds into a glass. Top with some of the syrup, soda water, and vodka. Make as strong as desired.