Notes From July: Cheddar Rosemary Scones

-Scones fix the butthurt.-

So I’m dealing with a lot of butthurt now. Not the proctological kind, but the emotional kind.

(Detour: I’m rather amused with myself as I think this is the first time I have ever had the opportunity to write out the word “proctological.” Yes, we’ll call it an opportunity. Like Daryl Hannah and “gargantuan” in Kill Bill. I’m glad I spelled it right the first time, too, so go me.)

Anyways. Yes. Butthurt. I’ve had to kindly let down a few people about the wedding. During lunch the other day a sometimes-in-town friend-slash-acquaintance began asking about various wedding plans.

I am the wedding person amongst people I know and amongst people I don’t. It’s my identity now. I do not exist outside of it. In fact, random strangers who hear me going on about the topic (and can I go on though honestly and often it is against my will) will come up and congratulate me. I find it endearing and thank them.

Sometimes, they ask what her name is and when I say his name they get a bit confused or taken aback. Some find it awkward and shuffle away. Most don’t miss a beat and offer their well wishes and possibly an apology for the assumption.

Many more simply ask, “What’s your partner’s name?” This makes me wonder if I’m really that obviously gay or if Sacramento is just ahead of the socially aware curve.

I’m getting sidetracked again. I blame it on 'muh brain meats being swallowed by The Wedding.

-So little brain meats left to my... something.-

So the friend was ecstatic and mentioned that he hadn’t yet got his invitation in the mail. The reason for this is because one had not sent out. Rather intentionally.

So that was awkward. In fact, the awkwardness of it was gargantuan. I explained that it was a small thing of about sixty people. Close friends, almost 85% family from both sides and not counting outliers. I also explained that we were keeping the cost rather fiscally sound because why throw your money at a giant party when you could put it aside for a home down payment? Let’s be frank: each guest costs a certain amount to have, and I can’t fret about the fact that people might be upset that I don’t have more money to spend.

It’s not that I don’t want everyone there. I do. I honestly, really do. Understand, though, I work as a freelance writer and at a nonprofit, and Fiance' is in school and the reserves. There is no bride, and therefore no father of the bride to pay for everything like in a straight wedding. We’re doing what works best for us and I really don’t want to have to apologize for it. We ain't exactly sipping Cristal, here. More like Crystal Light.

I also have issues with crowds. Theme parks make me panic and after about twenty minutes in a crowded mall I just want to steal the security cop's tazer and volt everyone into blissful, quiet unconsciousness. So sixty people focused on me and Fiance is already freaking us both out a bit. I've asked my mom to keep a watch on me in case I panic and start punching out my loved ones. 

I said this all much kinder than that at lunch, of course. He was understanding and polite. Not too butthurt, but a little and I get it. And I feel bad about it. 

He told me not to worry, but I will because that’s how I roll. We made plans to get together and have drinks and kick back. I promised a future party would be held post-honeymoon that would be fueled by some retro music that I’m loving right now and probably a few pitchers of my new favorite sangria recipe. If you haven’t had it then please go try it and report back when sober.

-Go on. I'll wait.-

Other things going on that are not W-Day:

I am desperate to try making my own fried chicken. I realized that I never have and this probably means I’m unpatriotic. Romney would probably not approve, but I doubt we’d be besties anyways. I am wavering between the Ad Hoc recipe, my Conference Boyfriend’s recipe, and the Serious Eats recipe. I may well combine them all into a Frankenstein’s fried chicken. If any of you have tried any of these recipes then your feedback is most encouraged.

I am terrified that a competitor’s book has come out. My editor tells me not to worry and that Melt will blow it out of the water and that it is an altogether different beast. This does not ease my well-raised hackles. Still, I’m not worried because I heard that this book can actually give you cancer. So yeah, just passing that along.

I am loving this article on book covers. Engaging and intriguing, though cookbooks I feel will never go fully digital. Too much water, dirty hands, and bubbling oil to destroy your e-reader with. I wonder if Melt could have an interactive e-cover?

My buddy Irvin made this. I want it. I assume you do, too. Plus, he always has such a fine flare for design and I believe he may very well be the Typology Whisperer.

A toll road worker threatened to take my picture if I didn't pay him $20 on a $5 toll road. I told him he was an ass. After a fight where he yelled at me in broken English and standoff where I refused to move my car I finally got correct change. I am still half certain a bill will come in the mail with a photo of me on it and that shit will have to go down. Five minutes after this happened a drunk driver ran me off the road. I was unhurt. Five minutes after I finally recovered and was no longer a shaking mess? Speeding ticket for going 5 miles over the limit. Gotta love it. Where are the cops when you need them?

It’s been rather hot outside. A solid week of 100+ weather, that has been suddenly followed by a brief respite of 60 degree clouds, wind, and rain. It’s like California forgot to take its Ritalin or something. I anticipate screaming temperatures again soon, but today is a fine day to make scones.

Scones are something I crave often and due to their ease and the fact they are infinitely adaptable I make them often. I’ll even make them in 100 degree heat. This is saying something since my kitchen is floored with ceramic tiles and turning on the oven hotboxes the room pretty hard. It’ll stay 350 in there for hours on end. Still, totally worth it.

These scones were made with some of my rosemary, which is just adoring this miserly heat; and some leftover bits of cheddar I had in the fridge from recipe testing for Anita Chu's and Stephanie Shih's gorgeous new food rag. (Pick up a copy. You must. All the cool food people are.) If you don't have cream, milk or buttermilk will work fine. They are scones. If you don't have cream you will forgive yourself and the scones will forgive you, too.

Extra cheese or cheeses that are not cheddar are dandy. I tossed in a pinch of rather ranky and possibly past its prime Valdeon and I’ve survived. I consider myself a stronger person for it.

Cheddar Rosemary Scones

7 ounces bread flour
1 ounces sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
6 ounces shredded cheddar
1 tablespoon chopped fresh rosemary
pinch of cayenne
7 ounces cream

1. Whisk together the bread flour, salt, sugar, cayenne, and baking powder. Next, whisk in the 5 ounces of the cheddar and the rosemary.

2. Add the cream and use your hands to gently bring together the ingredients. If you need to add a bit more cream then do so judiciously. It will be sticky and clumpy. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead twice (push-squish and push-squish, done).

3. Form the dough into a disc and cut into 6-8 pieces. Brush the tops with a bit more cream and top with remaining cheese.

4. Bake at 425F for 10-15 minutes or until golden.