"Can cats drink Everclear?""Huh?" My friend Jeremy, a veterinarian, was over with his boyfriend having dinner. As such, I decided to pump him for some free advice in exchange for food and asked the question I had been curious about since the night before.
"I mean logistically. Can their anatomy even handle alcohol?"
"No." He replied matter-of-factly, undaunted in his certainty in this scientific fact.
"Yeah, well, once again, Eat Beast has proven nature and science wrong. Last night I left a glass of Everclear unattended when I went upstairs and he drank it. Like three ounces on his own."
"Oh my God! Is he okay!? He should be dead!"
"Yeah, he just wandered off and took a nap like nothing happened. Just like he did with the butter, the habanero peppers, and an entire bag of bagels. I kid you not, the cat is abnormal. I mean most humans can't eat what he does. It was the equivalent to a human drinking an entire bottle of the stuff. He's a fat fuzzy black hole that can drink his owner under the table."
"Damn." His face was twisted with befuddlement.
"Feel free to take him with you when you go for scientific study. I could use some peace and quiet around here."
Our cat ate a whole pumpkin pie and 8oz of chocolate covered espresso beans in one sitting. A freak of nature. We can't leave ANYTHING out either.
ReplyDeletelol! i just got a cat (well the cat got us, he headbutted the window till we let him in and we can't find an owner, so we're keeping him) and so far he's eated, lemon curd muffins, tea, mead, cheese, bread, a beef stock cube and honey
ReplyDeleteThat is SO my cat.
ReplyDeleteI defy all your cats. No offence, but go through the older posts. Eat Beast outdoes all of them. ;)
ReplyDeleteI want to see a photo of the eat beast.
ReplyDeleteOMG...so funny! I love EB, hey where's his pic? Aww, such a little...er big Dickens!! Is he loving and cuddly too?
ReplyDelete--Josette
Garrett, I feel your pain. My cat Sampson eats my hair and my shoes. Sampson has also chewed down the corners of my wood furniture. My cat Casper drinks my red wine when I'm not looking, the little bastard. Let's not even go into the food stuff, garbage, etc.
ReplyDeleteI will never tire of reading about your cat's adventures!
ReplyDeleteI love Eat Beast! Up next: A bacon grease jar. One of my cats did that once and sat under a table for a day.
ReplyDeleteHe had a very shiny coat afterwards...
My husband wanted to know what tiny little implement I was using to make those "cute ribbed designs" in the butter. I said, "That would be the 'cat tongue' implement." Not unusual, but pretty funny.
ReplyDeleteToday was an unusually busy day in my RSS feed but I always read them in order and I vowed I would patiently wait to read this one until it came up in the listing....
ReplyDeleteEat Beast never disappoints :)
I read your post about the butter and I can just imagine my own fat cat doing that one day. Granted Eat Beast is much more hardcore, but I caught Jackie once claws out, ears back, biting in all fury on a container of almond milk. The liquid was all over his mouth, his paws, the couch, I called the vet who initially freaked out and asked 20 questions, but then told me if he wasn't throwing up or acting funny he was fine. He also helps my dog eat her bone and the bed.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of he time our two cats got into the bag of *very* spicy venison jerky we'd made. They were SO sick for a couple of days - I was sure they'd been poisioned... until I found the torn open bag. They pretty much stuck to cat food after that.
ReplyDeleteeat beast! you are too funny garrett :-D
ReplyDeleteI adore Eat Beast - that is one rockin' kitty. My Jaxxon (an evil tuxedo) likes to lick the center part of Reese's Peanut Butter cups....and likes popcorn. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteI totally think you should do an Eat Beast calendar. He should have a fan club - seriously, we all adore him and his stories. Eat Beast t-shirts? Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI <3 this blog, very nic job, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteMaybe your cat just had a wild history in college that you don't know about!
ReplyDeleteMore Eat Beast posts, please!
ReplyDelete