Apocalypse, Nowish (In Regards to Wine, That Is)

Wow, it's been a while since humanity really had a good show of stupidity in my presence and I guess that, like the dollar, our morals and economic views are depreciating as well. People are becoming a bit more frugal with their spending and (god forbid) now attempting to live within their means. As such, we're resorting to old budget meals we haven't used since the college days, adding a bit more water to our soups, clipping coupons, and aiming for leftovers. Indeed, it has been a while since I broke out doing fried eggs with green onions and soba. An oldie, but a goodie, and at around 25 cents per serving a damn fine bargain.

Furthermore we're choosing our wines from shelves that are much closer to the floor. A economic vertical shift (one of many in the wine industry as of late) that has forced most wine drinkers to take a southward glance when it comes to their selections at the store. I believe 2-Buck Chuck is going to make a resurgence in popularity, and home grown viticulture will probably take more root. Still, for those of us not inclined to brew our own wine we have to resort to blue light specialty wine. I would attempt to make my own, but my innate lack of self-preservation and general clumsiness would lead me to distill some sort of burgundy colored swill requiring two priests and a hazmat team to clean up.

So while at the Whole Foods checking out their specialty low price wines (read: < $7), I noticed a couple price checking a few bottles. She was a ex-pat Orange County woman; bleached hair, boob job (even I know God doesn't make breasts like that), Monolo Blah-nik personality type. He was about 30 years her senior, Armani loafers retiree and seemingly self-taught wine snob; the kind that probably sniffs plastic corks and abhors wine in boxes or with screw caps (Viva la Screwcap!).

Anywhose, back to eavesdropping, I sort of listened in on their conversation. It was a practical discussion of what wine to have with dinner and it seems they were able to afford shelling out a few twenties so good for them. As I don't really know much about wine I moved on to selecting my bottle, a simple white wine for dinner that was going for $6. I knew it went well with spicy food, and I prefer white anyways so it was a happy occasion for me.

"OH! You should try THIS Pinot Grigio, it's really TO DIE for."

I turned to find the woman looking at me with her Trish McEvoy laden face and gesturing towards a bottle on the wall. I glanced and noticed the $22 price tag. Looking back to her I cordially replied in earnest, "It's allright. I actually really enjoy this wine. It goes well with curry and it's more in my budget," in which I laughed to suppress my financial pain and to end the conversation.

"OH! You should NEVER buy a gris that's less than $15. It's just BOUND to be tacky." Unsure where she found this bit of fortune cookie knowledge and unclear as to what exactly defines a wine as "tacky" I smiled back.

"Well, you know, bad economy and all. Have to cut costs somewhere. Could be worse, could not be able to afford a bottle of wine at all."

"OH! OH! I TOTALLY understand. We stopped buying THIS brand," pointing with a well manicured french tipped finger to a $50 bottle of red wine. "It's fiscal TRA-GUH-DY! Like the money-world-apocalypse-NOW of wine!" Older husband looked over and nodded in agreement and then, I shit you not, grabbed a bottle of it anyway and popped it in his basket along with the non-tacky, previously mentioned white.

So I guess, for them, it's not quite the end of the world. Some thought must go into the purchases now before going along with them regardless.