My Reasons for New Jars

See, my new jars? Shiny, new, orderly. A place for everything, and everything in its place. True, you may at first attribute this to a sort of obsessive compulsory need. That I may have indeed dozens of identical jars for all my spices and keep all my napkins in tight same-folded bundles (I do).

Still, this was out of necessity.

You see, I walked into my apartment tired from work and was suddenly stuck that something was amiss. My normally well vacuumed floor was blotched with white and speckled with tan grit everywhere. Immediately the cats took off up the stairs as fast as their four little death-row fuzzy feet could climb.

A quixotic look upon my face, and near panic and horror began to set in. This was obviously going to piss me off to near biblical proportions.

The entire floor was covered in what used to be the food in my pantry. The cats had found a way to get into my dry cupboard, grab the bags of food, and then apparently have a Sugar-N-Grain-Aggeddon in my living room.

I could follow the trail where evidently a chase for a bag of powdered sugar had taken place. A snowy path weaved through the legs of the dining table and chairs and over the couch, then back to the kitchen. A second set of paw prints imprinted themselves in the freshly marked white speedway.

Dessicated coconut was in small piles here and there. Apparently one attempted to eat it and when the other cat came to investigate he would pick up his tropical treasure and begin his grazing once again.

Bags of yeast had been gorged and vomited like a Kitty-Kate Moss with a sandwich. I worried that bits of yeast in their stomach would kill them before I had the chance to do so myself. Turns out it just gave them the runs, gas, and small kitty burps of sorts. FUN!

Lentils were everywhere, I could here them click and crunch under my shoes. They were invisible against the backdrop of my carpet. The cats apparently did not care for them, but insisted on destroying the bag anyway out of a sense of destructive totality. If you're going to do something, go all the way right?

Needless to say, there was much yelling. As I cleaned I chased them a bit with the vacuum, which only served to cause fear which apparently leads to more yeasty cat farts.

Afterwards I threw most everything away, went to World Market and bought some jars, restocked my basics, and packed everything away. My weekend project is also to install some child-locks on all cabinets.

They can't crack those, I hope.