Ginger Fiend in a Ponytail

So many of you may recall the horrendous story of Snotty Grapes Child and his psychopathic screech owl of a mother, her voice causing ears to spontaneously bleed and their sense of common sense to commit ritual seppuku.

Well, this is a story along similar lines... I was at Whole Foods filling up on wild rice, a task which usually takes me a few minutes as I try analyze each bin trying to find what type of grain really speaks to me like some kind of culinary Cosmo quiz. As I slowly made my way to inspect the black emperor rice, I noticed a child next to me analyzing some candied ginger.

I gave it no real mind. She was probably eight, an adorable rosy-cheeked girl with shiny bobbles putting her hair in a ponytail. The child was quiet and, I assumed, getting some ginger for her parents as she had a bag in her hands.

As I plunged the scooper into the pitch pool of rice, I noticed the child suddenly open the bin and eat one of the candied ginger. Now, most of you may think I would freak. Not true (kinda a shock, isn't it?). Honestly, I do the same. I taste before I buy and think it's fine to do so, especially if it's something new.

She popped it into her mouth, looked at me and I smiled and chuckled a bit. She smiled back. It was an adorable little Kodak moment.

She then turned and popped another in her mouth. I chose to just turn away and ignore it. Not my problem. Plus it was cute. Very, Little Rascals. Then the delicate fingers morphed into paws. I looked back and she was double fisting the candied ginger into her mouth like she'd win a prize.

Her cheeks were swollen with ginger, as if she was a chipmunk storing nuts for winter. Drool poured from her mouth and on to her shirt. The image reminded me of a party I went to in college when my friend had a beer bong get away from him and splatter his new white Biology Club shirt. I mean, this was just... well funny, but also gross. Seriously, that ginger bin needs to be thrown out. But I swear to God... it was like watching a human Eat Beast.

I turned around and left as she plunged her hand into the barrel, pawing out more like a dog digging under a fence. I didn't want to deal with this one. I didn't care what the parent was going to do. I just wanted to leave the sticky scene.

And from now on, I buy my candied ginger prepackaged.