So this is my pause post. I don't know for the what time, I lost track after the one with the meth lab next door (not a joke), but I am moving again. That means boxing up all my shit, sorting through the shit I want to keep and the crap I want to donate or throw away, and laboriously loading it into a U-Haul over many back breaking trips.
The said U-Haul I will haphazardly drive, endangering many and giving us all a moment to pause and ponder exactly what hemp smoked filled room of congressmen passed a law allowing any layman with a license behind the wheel of a 1-ton 16-wheeler doom coach.
Through the process I will curse. Ye Gods, I will curse. Those overhearing my dark forbidden words will suffer spontaneous nosebleeds. Children will cry. The elderly will be struck deaf. It will be biblical and ye shall tremble.
Plates will be lost. Fallen into whatever shadowy passages and realms, I know not of. Behind the counter to some distant place of dark nightmares and probably bits of cereal and a few twisty ties. Glasses will be broken, because damn it, whats a set of glasses without one shattered into a thousand fucking pieces?
I will be losing my gas stove. My baby, who has spoiled me. I sadly go back to electric. But I gain new cabinetry and well tiled floors and back splash. Given, it is a galley kitchen, yet I have overcome far more fearful, dungeon-esque kitchens where even the most stalwart and thick skinned cooks dare not brave for fear well understood.
Moving; it is anathema to me.
So, I will be emptying the kitchen. Eating pizza, take-out, and greasy MSG-a-licious Chinese food on paper and plastic. Taping up every bottle of oil and delicately loading it into a box like porcelain dolls, hoping each will survive the trip. Wrapping every goddamn dish in old pieces of newspaper. There will not be recipes. There will be no product reviews (maybe one or two if I can find the stupid port-drive I put them on). No restaurant reviews unless we count Pizza Hut.
If I post, feel lucky. I will try to be back up on the 2nd, or something. Maybe someone will say something stupid at work and I can toss that as a flesh cleaned bone to ya'll. Here's hoping. Of course, any time I ever said I was taking a break I posted anyways. So we'll see.
Then, of course, I need to hope I have the internet up and running when I get there. And then unpack the whole damn kitchen. And everything else...
Fuck.
Anathema. To. Me.
Moving is akin to torture! I swore up and down after the last move that I'd hire movers the next time. That remains to be seen.
ReplyDeleteHope everything goes smoothly! Hang in there. :)
Be strong woman! We will miss you, but think of how inspired you are going to be after going through allll of your cabinets full of wonderful ingredients!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya - I hear every star-studded cuss word of your pain. Every time I think it's time to buy a new house... I think of moving, shudder, and just "spruce up" the old house. Hang tough!
ReplyDeleteStrawberries in Paris - Seriously. Is this a running joke now? Why do half the people reading this blog think I'm a girl? =P
ReplyDeleteI moved into a new house almost a month ago already and I still have boxes full of crap. Be patient, breathe deep and say: "I'm going to love the new place." That helped me a lot.
ReplyDeleteMaybe 'cuz you sound kinda bitch?
ReplyDelete(with good reason though :) )
Moving is torture. I am with Dianne and swear every time that I'm going to hire someone to do it next time. I especially to not want the first time I drive a vehicle in 2 years to be behind the wheel of a U-Haul in NYC.
ReplyDeleteI wish you luck, strength, and the patience of a saint (and the mouth of a sailor for when the patience runs out).
I am sorry to hear that you have to move again. Best of luck with your journey!
ReplyDeleteOH MY GOSH!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I guess I saw the BlogHer ad network...and made a bold assumption!
I should have read your bio. :-(
Nevertheless, good luck with the move!
Strawberries in Paris - No worries. Just giving you a hard time. ;)
ReplyDeleteMy favorite (only good) part of moving is going to the grocery store and buying all new "stuff".
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you!
Hang in there girlfriend. I have to say that I would rather have a root canal, pap smear, and a colonoscopy (all on the same day) than move!
ReplyDeleteInteresting blog on the accoutings of the torturous move.... so colorful and, yet, so true!
ReplyDeleteI had recently did a long distance move for a job and still cannot get through the boxes the packers did for me. It isn't any better getting help because everything still gets lost.
I hope all goes well. Good luck! (ladies- this is a guy, btw)
I wanted to give you a tip from a seasoned mover (14 times in 10 years). Use your towels to wrap your dishes. They take up a bit more room, but no hunting for newspaper, no nasty black ink on everything, less breakage, and you can pack two things at once. Just throw the towels in the washer when you unpack to get that funky cardboard smell off and your golden.
ReplyDeleteOh don't remind me of the torture known as moving - I'm about to do so myself!!
ReplyDeleteWe we completely understand a quite blog, so long as you promise to fill us in on all of your 'encounters' ; )
Good luck with the move!
Please let us know how U-Haul worked out for you. Was your reservation available when you arrived and did it break down before you were done?
ReplyDeleteAlso - if you move to an electric stove - how long before you have to move again? Really?
Good Luck! at least you can get it done in one 'clean' move, hopefully. husband and I are purchasing a house, (signing on Monday!) and it is going to be a VERY long April. I see weekends of loading boxes and then the trailer... all after we repaint everything but the kitchen, primer then 2 coats. that should take at least 2 weekends.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. We're packing up to move (and selling our house in the proces) again. In the past 4 years we've lived in 4 states. In December we'll do it all over again.
ReplyDeleteOne time I moved and all my spices wound up in storage in Florida while I was in Kentucky with a half-packed box of curtains... it was painful, I still have nightmares.
I will send you good vibes from Texas, I need it back in June though....
I must be very brave to be sitting here with only half a cup of organic (decaf!) coffee in me trying to write a witty comment on a post that is scathingly, snorting out loud funny. Eee gads. (Seriously.)
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Handsome One. And buy yourself something fun for the new cocina.
After my last move, I put a listing up on Craig's List that I had free boxes. They were picked up within 24 hours and I didn't have to worry about finding a recycling spot or carrying them to the trash.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your move.
"Doom Coach."
ReplyDeleteWell played, that.