So F***ing Gross

So I was at Costco picking up some staple items like butter and razors and whatnot. Now, I've learned to keep a keen eye whenever I go there. It's like trudging through the marshes of Vietnam; every single sound or rustle may be the first warning of an attack. Or liken it to walking in the middle of a herd of water buffalo, you have to be ready to run and keep an open ear out. Anything can start a stampede.

Likewise, the crowds are dangerously restless, each individual armed with a cart loaded up with so much bulk pantyhose and soda water that the thing is weighted like a tank. They drive recklessly and without any restriction. Every man for himself.

They also dangerously circle those free sample stands. I try to avoid them like the plague. Nothing is worse than being right in front of the sample stand when the little old lady announces the Otis Spunkmeyer cookies are done. If you're lucky enough to escape being trampled like a stray cigarette butt on the street, you're a salmon fighting your way upstream out of the horde. I like to picture I am escaping zombies when that happens to make it less traumatic. (Actually, come to think of it, that's exactly what I am doing.)

But back to the story. As I was escaping the french bread pizza samples, I noticed the little old lady throwing her head back and suddenly...

"Ha-CHOOOO!"

All over the samples.

But what was really gross?

When she announced the pizza samples were ready. No one cared.

*shudder*